when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
