the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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