life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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