This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
