How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize