He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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