Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
