He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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