my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
