guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
