I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
