I cannot find my penis.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want a musical about memes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
