I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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