My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's rum buckets o'clock
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
