Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
