no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
