We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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