people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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