Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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