im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
