Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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