I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
