did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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