I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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