So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
