I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he thought i was a dude.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
