he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
