So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
