Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize