ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
