i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
