I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
