Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
