apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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