wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
