I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Floor bacon is actually really good
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
