Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Oh god it's open bar.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize