can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
