need another drink. this is the easiest way
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
