there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
