The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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