if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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