Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
