we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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