you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
