Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Randomize
