I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
