9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
