Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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