Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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