Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
