Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
