Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
