ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
