im six kinds of drunk right now
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
