ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
