Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
