you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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