Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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