I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
