I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
