She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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