Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
