Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
