dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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