wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
