They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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