i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
