so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
