So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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