Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
