Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am midnight drunk by noon
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
