If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
