Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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