getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
